Bloggers of “History”: Perseus

This has all gotten a bit out of hand. I mean really, sure my offer was a bit of a boast ‘Ask for any gift’ I said, boy was that a mistake. I had expected something lavish to be sure, perhaps even something difficult to obtain…but the head of Medusa? Really? Dick move man.  I feel sort of terrible about mocking those poor women, and taking their eyeball, but I needed to find that bloody nymph after all now didn’t I? Don’t look at me like that, it had to be done this here, er…knapsack is very important you see! … Continue reading Bloggers of “History”: Perseus

Bloggers of “History”: Benjamin Franklin

A fine invention this computer, I wonder if I had anything to do with it. Who am I kidding, of course I did I’m Ben Franklin, and I’ve had a hand in everything. I’m such a boss that my face is printed on our largest bill, and I wasn’t even a fucking President. Well unless you count Pennsylvannia, but hey who does? I mean seriously, let’s go over some of my awesome exploits. Ambassador to three different countries. Inventor of so manythings that Archimedes would be jealous. Phenomoenal ladies man, seriously George Clooney can eat my heart out, I’ve totally … Continue reading Bloggers of “History”: Benjamin Franklin

Bloggers of “History” Icarus

Father thinks he’s so smart. So what if you built a labyrinth? Way to go dad, you made a maze! Every six year old can make a maze, I mean really. Sure it’s a complicated maze and you put a half-man half-bull monstrosity in the middle, but it’s still just a maze. Now, here you are with what might be the most awesome thing anyone has ever made…and you want me to just follow you around in the air? Hah! Silly old man. We can fly like gods and your advice is to stay near land and “Not go to … Continue reading Bloggers of “History” Icarus

Bloggers of “History”: Prometheus

Day 8: Eight days now since I stole fire from Olympus, and gave it to mankind. Eight times I have died, and a crow has eaten my liver, and I still do not regret my decision. O’Mighty Zues don’t you see the greatness man can bring? I shall never renounce my decision! Day 276: A boulder fell down the hill, and crushed me. Crow ate my liver. Fuck you crow. Year 10: Alright, really Zues…this is getting old, I mean come on, I think this has gone far enough, how many ways can you kill one Titan? Also, Fuck you … Continue reading Bloggers of “History”: Prometheus

Bloggers of “History”: Julius Caesar

There were times in my life that even I doubted my eventual rise, but I think it’s been proven without a doubt, that I’m pretty awesome. Exiled and stripped of all my inheritance by those clearly jealous of my innate charm, I fought my way back to Rome. Once there I made my first quaestor, and shipped off to govern Spain. Here I saw a statue of good old Alexander, and thought, this guys was pretty awesome, but I’m clearly his better. So after crushing a couple of whimpy rebellions and being all around praised by my legion, I returned … Continue reading Bloggers of “History”: Julius Caesar

Blogs of “History” : Longinus

I cannot believe that centurion! Did I stab him proper? Well of course I stabbed him proper, not much to stabbing a fellow on a cross with a spear is there? Not like he can wiggle out of the way can he? Damned well not my fault that his body disappeared, what does he think? I stabbed him in the “Makes him go to sleep for a week” spot on the ribs? And what do I know about reports of his people seeing him walk about, bunch of nutty drunks those people are anyway. Always going on about water and … Continue reading Blogs of “History” : Longinus