A fine invention this computer, I wonder if I had anything to do with it. Who am I kidding, of course I did I’m Ben Franklin, and I’ve had a hand in everything. I’m such a boss that my face is printed on our largest bill, and I wasn’t even a fucking President. Well unless you count Pennsylvannia, but hey who does?
I mean seriously, let’s go over some of my awesome exploits. Ambassador to three different countries. Inventor of so manythings that Archimedes would be jealous. Phenomoenal ladies man, seriously George Clooney can eat my heart out, I’ve totally got him beat. Amazing chess player. Started a printing company, oh yeah. I helped write the mother fucking Declaration of Independence. Game, point, match bitches. Did I also mention that two hundred years after I die, a huge amount of money will be donated to people trying to further their education? Take that George, you wool toothed blow hard.