There were times in my life that even I doubted my eventual rise, but I think it’s been proven without a doubt, that I’m pretty awesome. Exiled and stripped of all my inheritance by those clearly jealous of my innate charm, I fought my way back to Rome. Once there I made my first quaestor, and shipped off to govern Spain. Here I saw a statue of good old Alexander, and thought, this guys was pretty awesome, but I’m clearly his better. So after crushing a couple of whimpy rebellions and being all around praised by my legion, I returned again to the glory of Rome. Once back, I sought the consulship, and won. Obviously. As Consul I brought Pompey, and Crassus under my thumb two of the richest folks in the Empire.
My Consulship came to an end, and since I was bored I conquered Gaul, no one really liked those barbarians anyway. Again, clearly jealous of my awesomeness, Pompey decided to try and declare me a traitor, so I marched just one of my Legions back to Italy, and a crushed him to. Obviously enamored by my greatness, the Roman people felt the need to elect me Dictator. Spent some time in Egypt, helped out the Pharoh, and met Cleopatra, a pretty classy lady herself.
My term of dictator over, I decided to show up the now dead Pompey, and smacked around the king of Pontus. It was pretty laughable, why Pompey had so many problems with them I’ll never know. Rome was so impressed they made me dictator again, and you know what? I kind of like it, I think I’ll keep it this time. Hell, I think I should just be Emperor.
Well, Brutus is here, with a bunch of their friends, probably want to tell me how awesome I am, so I’ll go for now.
Stay classy Rome.